Business Planning - you'll never take a business plan seriously again, once you have read this!

Business Plan Speak Plain English True Meaning
   
Acquisition strategy The current products have no market
Broadly on plan 20% below plan
Complex architecture Unworkable design
Core business Only activity
Currently revising the budget Financial plan is in total chaos
Cyclical industry Made a huge loss last year
Entrepreneurial MD Slightly mad, totally uncontrollable and definitely irresponsible
Extrapolation Sheer guesswork
Illustrative projections Don't blink
Investing heavily in R&D Trying desperately to catch the opposition
Leading edge technology Doesn't work
Life sciences application You won't live to see it work
Limited downside It can't get much worse
Long lead time We haven't made one that works yet
Major opportunity Last chance
Marketing-driven One salesman: with a Ford Mondeo
Niche strategy A small time player
People business The only assets have two legs, one interest and no loyalty
Performance ratchet Heads we win; tails they lose
Pro-active stance Quick to latch on to other people's ideas
Proven technology It nearly worked once before
Repositioning the business We're lost
Revised budget Downgrade to actual
Salaries are not competitive CEO wants a rise
Shorter project life cycles We've just finished copying market leader when he brought out a new model
Strategic alliance Know their phone number
Synergistic acquisition Two minuses make a plus
Temporary cash flow problem About to go bust
Under-capitalised Negative net assets
Unique No more than ten direct competitors
Uniquely positioned No-one else mad enough to be in this position
Upside potential It's stopped breathing.  An investment could be the kiss of life
Vertically integrated Series of rotten business piled one on top of the other
Volume sensitive Massive fixed overheads
Window of opportunity Without more money, the company is dead

Posted in Articles. Tagged as Business Plan, Business plan speak, Humour, Plain english.

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